The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
