did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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