Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
