Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
