Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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