she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
