hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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