As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize