Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
