i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
