I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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