Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
