We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
