I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I am naked and annoyed.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize