Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He shit in the fireplace
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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