Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
