Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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