I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
