you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
