the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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