Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
