...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
