The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
