Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
