what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
