god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
