I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
