nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
