WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
