how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Shame - the story of my life.
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