omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
