Just cropdusted the office
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Even my vagina gasped.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
