I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
