Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
