Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
