I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
