laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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