i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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