i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
