My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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