please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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