cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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