You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
