just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
