Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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