I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Barsexuality is the new black.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
