Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
