"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
