girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
