I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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