He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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