I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
