i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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