He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
