You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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