Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
