Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
