smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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