I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
