Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
