The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
