Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
porn star boner night. come get it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
