i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize