my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
