He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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