Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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