she woke up with a sticky ear
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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